By Evelyn Okakwu
The place of the family in ensuring the full development of
a nation can never be over emphasized.
Often times the family pattern prevalent in societies
determine, to a great deal of extent, the cultural adaptability of the people.
Shortly after president Goodluck Jonathan assented to the
provisions of the same sex marriage act 2014, countries of the west, particularly,
the European Union, United States and Canada came up against Nigeria,
describing its action as a violation of its citizens rights.
US Secretary of states, John Kerry stated that anti-gay
marriage law represents an ugly restriction to the freedom of assembly,
association and expression for all Nigerians. Kerry even added that the
anti-gay
law does not tally with Nigeria’s international legal
obligations and negates democratic reforms and human rights protections”.
To buttress his country’s displeasure for Nigeria’s stand on
the matter, America’s Ambassador to Nigeria Mr James Entwistle threatened that
the United States will relent on its support for HIV/AIDS and anti-malaria
programs as a backdrop of the Federal Government’s position on the gay rights
issue.
Even Nigeria’s famous writer, Chimamanda Adichie regarded the law as inconsistent with
the dictates of Democracy and the many demands of civilization.
Thus, during his recent conversation with Journalists at the
Catholic Bishop’s Conference of Nigeria (CBCN) 2015, the Arch Bishop of Abuja, Cardinal John Onayekan
stated that: “We live in a world where the values of the family as enshrined by
God are been thrown overboard in the name of progress and modernity. And
because it is so; those ideas are becoming attractive to some of our people.
They even tell us that the reason why we are backward is because we have not
adopted these ideas. But we know very well now that they themselves in those countries
who have allowed their families to crumble are now having serious problems”.
“Also, people have stated that there is a link between
terrorism and poor family background. It is practically impossible for you to find
a descendant of a truly happy family becoming involved in such heinous crimes.”
Bishop Onayekan was speaking at the CBCN conference in Abuja
recently, with the theme: “Good family makes a good nation”. He noted that the theme
hinges on the concerns of the Church, as well as that of the nation.
Speaking earlier, the president of the Federal republic of
Nigeria, President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan noted that the family is key if we must
develop as a people, and move our nation in the right direction.
In the same vain, the President of the Catholic Bishop
conference of Nigeria, Most reverend Ignatious Kagama stated that: “The family
is vital in transforming a society positively”
“If you take the family seriously, you would have educated
your family well at home. And the child only goes to school, to build on that.
But when you neglect it, because you are too busy, or you feel them up
with negative thoughts: inject in them hatred and prejudices
against other tribes or religions, the difference it will have will be too drastic”.
He said the conference was aimed at addressing some global
challenges that affect the family.
"Against many crazy ideas and practices that are
becoming the fashion in some parts of the world, the church continues to
proclaim the good news of God; of Christian marriage and family. Humanity
cannot improve on God's ideal of marriage as one indissoluble, and open to new
life."
Stressing that a good family makes a good nation, the CBCN
president added that: “We can go further to add that a good nation is a family of
families.”
Also at the event, the Papal nuncio to Nigeria, Archbishop
Augustine Kasujja stated that the family is the first fruit of evangelization and
the cradle of every vocation. He noted however, the discomforting effects of
negative western culture : "There exists a kind of spiritual
worldliness."
Addressing the importance of the theme, Senate president,
David Mark talked about our traditional values. He said the family is not just the
man, his wife and children but the entire community. “Everybody takes interest
in making sure that the children grow well. Now when
you transfer the context of family to the level of the
nation, it is then that we have the whole issue of how do we live in peace with
our diversity? The family has different people with different characters
but they still live as one,” he noted.
Dwelling more on the immediate challenges of the home,
Bishop Felix Ajakaye, the Catholic Bishop of Ekiti stated that: “Marriage is
one of the seven sacraments of the church. There is no alternative for that, and
the church does not promote marriage, outside the sacrament. The sacrament is
sacrosanct.
He stressed the importance of love and communication in
ensuring a happy and workable family. “And for me, the word love, could be considered
an acronym: L means life; you live the life of love; the
love of life. O; for openness: the family members will have
to be open up; particularly parents. Husbands and wives need to communicate, because
this is very essential in a successful marriage and family
life”.
“We should strive to live a life of ‘Virtue. And ‘E’ stands
for endurance; we endure to enjoy. That is what love means, because God is love,
and therefore, living a life of love is very important”.
He said that families mostly become unable to solve marital
problems, due to lack of prayers: “The key of a successful marriage and family life
is prayer. Prayer is the key. It is lack of communication that
causes divorce and separation. When people don’t communicate
or understand themselves well enough. When they have misunderstanding, it means
that understanding is lost, that is why it is called misunderstanding. When
they allow misunderstanding to push them to the points of divorce, then they
have forgotten their root, which is God.”
“God is love, and we should allow love to keep growing. Love
if like flour. It’s God’s own creature. When you plant flour and you fail to water
it, it will die, so the water of love is prayer. People say that a family that
prays together stays together, but mine is a family that prays together
sincerely, lives together happily”.
Some couples feel they can solve the problems of their
families, outside the shores of those families; to this, Bishop Ajakaye says:
“No matter the situation, when people begin to look for
solutions outside their families, then they should know that there is a problem”.
He adds that not even the law, constitute a way out of
marital problems: “The laws been made by government should not even affect a normal
family. It’s just like God’s instructions, those who will listen, will listen”.
“Those who have ears let them here. If there is love, no
matter the law, the unconditional love will solidify that marriage. The
breakdown of a family depends on the family members. And I always say too that parents
and guardians should visit their wards in higher institutions; particularly
tertiary institutions. Don’t just say you give them money or you pay their
fees. Visit them, and inculcate discipline into them. Discipline is the bridge
between success and failure”.
“And as I have said earlier, communication is very
important. Most husbands leave their wives at home from morning till evening;
such is not in the interest of the family”.
Bishop Ajakaye added that celebrating happy moments is one
antidote that would go a long way to help the family. “And I always want families
to celebrate themselves; monthly, quarterly or annually,
giving themselves a treat”. He said the Diocese of Ekiti had
dedicated the year 2015 to the family, in a bid to help the laity realize that
the family is the domestic church and the first school. “We are products of a
family. I keep telling people that I am from a loving family, my father was a catechist,
and he died 1954. We still communicate; we hold meetings and tell each other
that we are not doing well, wherever we have gone wrong, as a family”.
Stating the resolutions reached, in the communiqué at the
end of the conference, the Bishops noted that: “We witness today a shift from solidarity
to self-centredness, a frightening erosion of values that
reduces the ability of the family to respond to its
vocation. The family faces many
formidable challenges such as selfishness, materialism, infidelity, to mention
but these.”
Indeed the family in Nigeria, as in the world is bedeviled
by various challenges. Yet in a nutshell; the words of the CBCN president regarding
the relationship between the state of the family and its effects on the nation,
come to play. “The good health of nations depends largely on the good health of
the families within them. Faced with the
challenges of insurgency and insecurity, a deficit of good and transparent
leadership, and rarity of good citizenship, we affirm that there is need to
rediscover, protect and promote the value of the family in our nation Nigeria.
This task requires the synergy of the family, the Church and other religious
bodies, and the whole society.
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